What did you think when you first realized that you were a lesbian, gay, or even bisexual? Did you instantly fear the thought of the truth reaching your family and friends? That you would be rejected, cast out, and unloved? I know, even in the year 2014, “coming out” isn’t something easy to do. But just in this past week a major celebrity and football star decided they could take it no longer.
Ellen Page, actress, role model, and brave lesbian came out during an LGBTTQ conference held on February 14th. After her brave confession, Page received a standing ovation from the crowd. She told them, “My spirit suffered, my mental health suffered, and my relationship suffered.” Because of her honesty and willingness to confess at a Human Rights Campaign, she shed a moment of inspiration and fearlessness to all that had attended or chose to watch her speech from home.
Another star to come out this past week was Michael Sam, a senior football player from the University of Missouri. During a building exercise, players had been asked to talk about themselves and things others might not know about them. It was during this experience that Michael decided to say it, “I’m gay,” becoming the first gay player in the National Football League. His teammates were supportive, and most of them, already knew. Even though gay rights movements have been accelerating, the sports industry has still been hard on men. Because of his bravery, Michael could potentially become a symbol for men’s sports.
Now, why am I telling you these things? Is it because it’s happening, because it’s in the news? Yes and no. I don’t tell you solely for that reason, but for the reason that these people should be examples of courage and bravery for you if you’re suffering from the same identity crisis. Besides these heartfelt stories and instances of boldness, I also want to offer you some tips to make the process easier.
1. Accept who you are.
If you can’t accept that you might be gay, lesbian, or bisexual, how will your friends and family? Realizing who you are is the first major step. Educate yourself on what it means as an individual, look up support groups. This is never easy for anyone, all individual journeys are different.
2. Support
Remember those support groups I said to look into? Well now, start getting involved. Start talking to these people and maybe others in your community. This is a great way to start to practice coming out, especially if you’re not ready to confess to a friend. By telling other others who you already know are gay/lesbian, they can often help you to build the courage you need to come out. Their advice, support, and their stories can always help to aid your own.
3. Pride
Once you’ve built that open relationship with friends, you will instantly start to feel better. You’ll be able to let yourself tell closer friends and you’ll be confident. By taking pride in who you are, you’ve already accomplished so much. There is no need to be shy about one’s sexuality, you are who you are, and by this point, no one should be able to defer you otherwise.
4. Relationships
At one point or another, you’re going to want to experience what it is actually like. You’ll want relationships and you’ll feel desires. Just note not to act on just those body cravings. Love is a real thing and should be respected as such. Experimentation is always fun, but when you find “the one,” you’ll both know there will be future difficulties and you’ll have each other to face them. The first one might still be my next point.
5. Family
Coming out to your family will probably be the hardest thing that you do. Look at how hard it was for Ellen and Michael, and they had so many others that they could have upset, opportunities that they felt might be taken away. You need to remember, LGBT are coming a long way since the times of complete discrimination. Even if you have the worst case scenario families that are against the idea, you need to be who you are. Most parents might say that they disapprove, but you’re their child, no matter what. Even if it takes time to accept, know that they will always love you. Just be sure to mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for whatever reaction you think they might have.
6. Life
Once you’ve completed all the steps, it is finally time to balance your life and enjoy it. These steps aren’t an easy thing, it’s not like baking a pie, do it all in one day. This is a process, a life changing experience. Once you’ve done it, you will feel relief, freedom, and yourself. There are still going to be life obsticles, just like in anyone’s life, but now you have the power to overcome them. You can be strong like those who came out in front of hundreds, in front of teammates and NFL drafters. Love who you are.
